Is Making Love Important in a Relationship?

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Is making love important in a relationship? If you ask this question to a spectrum of people, they will give you varying reactions ranging from:


Some will give you this answer without batting an eyelid. To them, it is the basis of a sound relationship, without which it can’t thrive.


This will be from people who are in between. Sometimes they feel like shagging, and other times they don’t. They will show indifference.


The negative answer will probably come from those who have seen it all in life. The elderly and those with low libido.

After all is said and done, getting laid should not be the only gauge of a healthy relationship. There certainly are other parameters that count for a robust relationship.

In this article, we explore the role of intimacy in bed and whether it needs to be part of every other relationship or not.

couple legs entangled, making love

Photo: Pexels/Ran Roch

The Foundation of Connection

In any relationship, the level of intimacy plays a pivotal role in establishing a deep connection between partners. 

Understanding the significance of making love in intimacy is crucial for fostering a strong and lasting bond.

But the question that keeps begging for an answer is how big a role making love as a form of intimacy plays. And how to equate the other roles to making love.

Reasons to Have Sex in a Relationship

  • Procreation

For those who love babies, this is the easiest (and fun-filled), though not the only way to get children. The genesis of this is in the Bible, where man was ordered to procreate and fill the earth. 

  • Bonding

Making love creates strong bonds with your partner. It is a powerful way to help both of you get and stay connected.

  • Affection

Love and affection thrive when hanky-panky happens. It’s a strong way of expressing your feelings to your partner.

  • Security

For the insecure couple, sex offers security. When you satisfy your partner sexually, it reduces their chances of venturing out to have extramarital affairs.

  • Pleasure

For most people, having orgasms and ejaculations brings unexplainable levels of pleasure. Though the intensity varies for different people, there is a resultant release of sexual tension that brings a natural high.

Couple making it by kissing

Credit: Pexels/CottonBro

Reasons Not to Have Sex

Crazy as it may sound to some, there are times in our lives when not having sex is either recommended or simply does not happen and just fades away.

Here are a few scenarios when shagging does not happen and celibacy takes center stage.

  • Medical Reasons

Concerns about various underlying medical conditions are enough reasons for abstinence.

Such conditions include, but are not limited to:

i) When one is recovering from serious heart conditions, e.g., heart attacks and surgery. 

ii) Immediately after childbirth (resumption period recommended at two weeks after normal delivery and six weeks after CS).

iii) When one of the partners has been diagnosed with an STD.

iv) Bowel and bladder diseases could also make navigating sex unsustainable.

v) When having sex is continuously painful for one partner.

  • When one has a low-sex drive

This happens from time to time, and when it becomes frequent, it certainly evolves into an issue of concern. The best way to tackle it is through discussion to find the root cause. 

A word of caution, though. Don’t heap more stress on your partner by blaming them for the condition. Maneuver through the discussion tactfully by using suggestive words like:

‘Perhaps we need to…’ 

Rather than, ‘You have failed to…’

By avoiding critical statements, you will create an inviting atmosphere for a healthy discussion.

  • Desire to abstain

There are people who, due to religious or cultural reasons, will not engage in premarital sex. It is important, therefore, for you to understand your partner if they fall into this category.

This offers someone an opportune moment to get to know their partner well. If both of you click thereafter, you are well prepared to take your relationship to the next level.

  • Trauma

Some people will keep off sex due to past traumas like rape. It is good to respect and accept their decisions. However, it would be worthwhile to have them visit a sex therapist to help them get over these past traumas.

A pensive couple in the bedroom

Photo: Pexels/Alex Green

  • Old age

Like any good thing has its expiration date, so does an active sexual life. While most men remain active sexually well into their eighties, most women will throw in the towel in their sixties.

It is good to know when your active sexual life comes to an end and not force it beyond its limits. Even an elastic band will only stretch so much. Such are the times when erectile dysfunction comes knocking.

Some of the above conditions can, however, be managed by seeking medical attention by visiting sex therapists or getting natural sex boosters.

Benefits of Making Love in Relationships

Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy involves sharing one’s thoughts, feelings, and vulnerabilities with your partner. It creates a sense of trust and understanding that forms the foundation of a strong relationship. 

If you are emotionally connected, you can navigate challenges more effectively and provide your partner with the support needed for personal growth.

The emotional intimacy that comes with making love in a relationship will benefit you by:

  • Increasing your self-confidence. You stand to gain a stronger self-image.
  • The hormones prolactin for men and estrogen for women that are produced during sex help to induce relaxation and deep, better sleep.
  • Not only do you have immense pleasure, but your stress levels get reduced significantly.

Physical Intimacy

Making love is most often strenuous and vigorous. It is thus good for physical health and becomes a form of exercise. 

As such, this marathon workout is a great way to strengthen your immune system. It additionally regulates your heart rate.

Physical intimacy is not merely about the act of making love; it extends to gestures such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. 

These actions create a physical bond that reinforces the emotional connection, making the relationship more resilient to the ups and downs of life.

The physical touch releases oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” promoting feelings of closeness and security. 

Regular expressions of physical affection contribute to a sense of comfort and cement the emotional connection between you and your partner.

Alternatives to Making Love in a Relationship

Not having sex? Not a problem.

If you are missing out on sex, it should not cause you distress or make you miss out on intimacy.

Here are cool ways to compensate yourself and reap some of the benefits that intimacy brings to a relationship:

  • Your partner can help you achieve sexual satisfaction by having them stimulate you sexually.
  • Having oral sex.
  • Cuddling, massages, and holding hands.
  • Extended periods of kissing.
  • Spending quality time together.


In conclusion, making love is a multifaceted aspect of a relationship that goes beyond the physical act. 

You can have a fulfilling romantic relationship without either regular sex or having no sex at all. Losing your mojo should not weigh heavily on you.

Understanding and prioritizing intimacy is essential for building a strong foundation, enhancing emotional well-being, and navigating the complexities of a long-term partnership. 

And though having regular sex may have immense health benefits, sexless people’s level of happiness should never be negatively impacted.

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