Enm Relationships: The New Kid on the Block

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Ethical non-monogamy—enm relationships—have been on the rise in recent times. Hitherto uncommon, these are relationships where one has multiple romantic or sexual relations simultaneously with the full knowledge and acceptance (hence the term ethical) of the other participating partner/s.

A good example is the polygamous marriage set-up that was practiced in a typical African village. Men — mostly the chiefs and the wealthy, married many women.

Similarly, as you’ll discover here, some not-so-different setups on enm relationships have emerged across the globe.

People strengthening a relationship by clasping hands

Pexels/Thirdman

Accordingly, traditional relationship boundaries are being redefined, paving the way for more inclusive and diverse expressions of love.

Individuals become free to tap into different love qualities they crave, not from one person but from several, each with the qualities they seek.

In this article, we delve into the beauty and challenges that characterize enm relationships, shedding light on the intricacies of this evolving approach to love and connection.

Stay with me as we explore together.

The Long of Enm Relationships

Ethical non-monogamy permits consensual romantic or sexual involvement with multiple partners.

But, unlike traditional monogamous relationships, enm involves clear communication, trust, and ethical behavior among all parties involved.

By comparison to a polygamous relationship, this framework also emphasizes openness, honesty, and respect as foundational principles, fostering a more liberated and transparent approach to love.

To illustrate, here is an example of an enm relationship:

John is a budding entrepreneur and writer who travels widely since he is a freelancer and likes travel.

While traveling in Singapore, he met a seductive Singaporean lady whom he loved at first sight. Likewise, June, the lady, developed a soft spot for John.

I know what you are thinking… They became lovers, married, and lived happily ever after.

Not so fast… There was just one problem.

John had a girlfriend back home in the United States. Likewise, June had a girlfriend in Singapore. So, there were John and the three women.

After lengthy meetings and discussions back and forth, they all agreed amicably that John could retain his relationship with the two girlfriends. June also got the leeway to continue her relationship with her girlfriend as well as with John at the same time.

It eventually worked well for all concerned parties.

The Beauty of Enm Relationships

Freedom of Expression 

Enm relationships provide individuals with the freedom to explore and express their genuine feelings about love.

You are encouraged to:

  • Be open about your feelings and discuss them
  • Discuss whether there’ll be a primary partner or all will be treated equally
  • Practice honesty 
  • Explore your sexuality to know if you are satisfying each other’s needs

The partners in enm relationships should communicate openly about their desires, fostering an environment of acceptance and understanding.

Diverse Connections of Enm Arrangements

Embracing enm allows individuals to form diverse connections with multiple partners, each relationship offering unique qualities and fulfilling different aspects of one’s emotional and physical needs.

If, for instance, you love tall, slender people, who have a big bosom, and are an extrovert, what happens if you can’t find all these qualities in one person?

Or you are probably looking to have relations with people from two or even more cultural backgrounds as lovers? 

I know that’s a lot to take in but bear with me… Such occurrences do happen.

Enm offers a simple solution.

Embrace people you fancy who could effectively meet your needs and have relationships with them.

But there’s a catch.

Don’t do it clandestinely. Be open to discussions and mutual agreements.

Pexels/fauxels

Enhanced Communication Skills

Successful enm relationships thrive on effective communication. Coupled with this, when you interject active listening in between, it becomes more effective.

Partners learn to express their needs, boundaries and desires with clarity. This fosters a culture of honesty and understanding that extends beyond the romantic sphere.

Equally important, with great communication skills come:

  • Robust trust building
  • There is a convenient way for conflict resolution
  • Enhanced retention of healthy enm relations.

The Challenges of Enm Relationships

The challenges that come with non-monogamy relationships are far-reaching. Such relationships are associated with misconceptions like being an excuse to cheat and never commit, being complicated and never working, or simply being unhealthy.

Balanced against these, here’s a summary of the challenges:

Jealousy and Insecurity 

Despite the emphasis on communication as stated above, jealousy and insecurity can still arise in enm relationships. In the long run, there is a possibility of one partner feeling undervalued while others are elevated.

Navigating these emotions requires a high level of self-awareness and the ability to address underlying concerns openly.

Social Stigma on Enm Relationships

There is, without a doubt, some stigma associated with non-monogamous relationships. Enm relationships may face societal judgment and misunderstanding from time to time. 

The grain of society has long advocated for monogamous relationships, especially in the Western world.

Overcoming societal expectations and norms can be challenging, requiring a strong sense of self and confidence in the chosen relationship model.

By all means, society should embrace it as a form of companionship and love. Just like the LGBTQ community has by and large been embraced and gained roots after a long stigma, it is time enm relationships were embraced too.

Time and Energy Management 

Poor time management in any form of relationship is detrimental. It’s a major cause of breakups.

If time management in monogamous arrangements can be tricky at times, it would, by the same token, be difficult in multiple relationships, if not worse.

Therefore, balancing multiple relationships demands extra effort and effective time and energy management strategies.

Partners in enm arrangements must prioritize creating a communication schedule to ensure all parties feel valued and appreciated.

Most challenges in life are overcome by spending quality time with a loved one, where thorny issues of life are discussed and solutions found. When you have to do it with multiple people, it could turn out challenging.

Final Words: Navigating the Enm Landscape

In summary, enm represents a deep shift in the way individuals approach love and connection.

While the beauty of enm lies in its capacity to foster diverse, authentic connections, the challenges highlight the importance of effective communication, self-awareness, and societal resilience.

As more people explore alternative relationship models in the modern world, the landscape of love continues to evolve, inviting individuals to redefine their narratives and embrace the complexity and richness of enm.

To cap it all, here are a few questions people may need answers to in this unique love arrangement.

If you have any more questions or insights, please post them in the comments section.

Frequently Asked Questions

1: What is an enm relationship?

A: Enm is a blanket term that encompasses various relationship structures where individuals have mutual and ethical agreements to engage in romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners.

2. What are the different types of enm relationships?

A: Enm includes various forms such as polyamory, open relationships, swinging, and relationship anarchy. Each type has its own set of norms and agreements.

3. Isn’t enm like cheating or infidelity?

A: While on the one hand, enm involves open communication and consensual agreements between all parties involved, on the other hand, cheating involves breaking established agreements without the knowledge or consent of the other partner.

4. How do you find partners in an enm relationship?

A: Finding compatible partners in enm often involves open and honest communication. Some people use dating apps designed for non-monogamous individuals, attend events within the poly community, or meet potential partners through shared social circles.

5. How do you handle time management in enm relationships?

A: Balancing time between multiple partners requires careful planning and consideration. Clear communication and scheduling are essential to ensuring everyone’s needs are met and no one feels sidelined.

6. What if one partner wants monogamy while the other prefers enm?

A: Open and honest communication will carry the day. A compromise may be necessary, but both partners should feel comfortable with the relationship structure. If a mutual agreement cannot be reached, it may lead to the consideration of other compatible partners.

7. Is enm right for everyone?

A: No. enm is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It requires strong communication skills, trust, and a deep understanding of one’s own needs and boundaries. It may not be suitable for everyone, and individuals should consider their comfort levels and preferences.


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